Monthly Archives: December 2014

Top 14 Things I Did in 2014

MyTop14of2014

For the last few years, I’ve been writing down all the things I did that year to remind myself to stop beating myself up for not working hard enough.

I did work hard and do a lot of things this year and I’m going to reward myself with a much shorter, lazier post. Here are 14 things I’m proud of, happy with, and otherwise feel like giving myself a gold star for. For example, I think I deserve a gold star for not giving two shits about ending a sentence on a preposition. These are also not in any particular order. One of the other things I did this year was EMBRACE CHAOS.

Here we go:

1) I moved to Los Angeles. I love the city, I love the weather, it’s good for my comedy career, and it’s fun to live in a place where I can go to the neighborhood grocery store for ice cream and whiskey and see three different character actors who have been murdered by Jack Bauer on 24. Most importantly, I have yet to burst into flames.

2) I did a lot of stand-up. I’ve done a lot of different types of comedy performance–improv, sketch, children’s theater, working at Kinko’s–but I’m really enjoying saying comedy things into a microphone. This year, I performed at SF SketchFest, the Jonathan Coulton Cruise, headlined at Comedy Corner Underground in Minneapolis, a bunch of different geek conventions, variety shows with my wonderful friends The Doubleclicks, and performing on shows around town in LA. A highlight for me was getting booked on Ron Lynch’s awesome show TOMORROW. I was the first comic up and the last comic of the night was Louis CK. I’ve also been posting a bunch of my stuff to YouTube. Here’s a bit about objectification and soup recorded live at CONvergence.

3) Writing and hosting for WTFark. I did several stints guest hosting this satirical comedy news show. My favorite, by far, is this story about a monkey man which caused Huffington Post to quote me about monkey cults in New Zealand.

4) I shot an episode of TableTop with Wil Wheaton. If you’re not familiar with TableTop, well, hello and welcome to your first day on the internet! I hope you like cats! Seriously, TableTop is an awesome show, Wil’s an awesome host, and it was super fun to shoot. I played the game Concept and my episode should be out in early 2015. Until then, here’s a picture of me from the set!

Joseph Scrimshaw isn’t sure he gets the Concept… #TableTop

A photo posted by Geek & Sundry (@geekandsundry) on

5) I started a Patreon. The kind and generous support of my patrons has given me the freedom and impetus to keep creating comedy stories and essays on my blog, producing my podcast Obsessed, and unlocking fun, weird goals like doing stand-up dressed as a squirrel.

6) I became a Social Justice Warrior. Contrary to my assumptions, there was not a long series of arduous trials. All I had to do was speak up about issues of common human decency and equality! I’m particularly proud of this essay about what a stupid, inefficient insult SJW is.

7) I wrote another episode of Getting On with James Urbaniak. James’ podcast is great. In every episode he plays a different character who happens to be named James Urbaniak. I’ve written two other episodes, but this one was a special spooky episode released on Halloween. It features James playing a man who is both a motivational speaker and a werewolf.

8) I recorded an episode of The Dork Forest with Jackie Kashian. I’ve done a lot of guest bits on great podcasts this year–including Star Wars Minute, Feliz Navipod, Fire Talk With Me, Kneel Before Aud–but Jackie’s was extra special because she gave me a t-shirt. I’m thrilled to have got to know Jackie a little better. She’s an amazing comedian and a great podcast host and she let me defend the Star Wars prequels and didn’t even kick me out of her house.

9) I helped make Thanksgiving Versus Christmas happen. Thanksgiving Versus Christmas was my friend Molly Lewis’ awesome holiday special. Molly wrote all the songs, the awesome Josh Cagan wrote the book, and we performed it as a live show. I directed, played the narrator, and did a little bit of work on the script. Everything came together beautifully (Molly has an excellent wrap-up here) and it was one of those wonderful magic times where the show was even more than the sum of its parts. And the parts were all damn good to begin with. The show is available as an album and you can pre-order the hell out of it right now.

10) I continued being Obsessed. I continue to enjoy doing my comedy podcast Obsessed and to my delight, the listenership continues to increase! One of my favorite episodes this year was both insightful and horrifically funny thanks to my guests Tim Wick and Rebecca Watson. The episode was about CATS. Other favorite episodes included obsessions with Maps, Grease 2, Tiny Things, and Tenacious D. You can find them all on iTunes.

11) I continued to tweet a lot. I don’t know if I’m proud of that, but it’s definitely a thing that happened. Here’s one of my favorite tweets this year.

12) Writing, writing, always writing. I wrote a lot of different things this year. In addition to some of the stuff mentioned above, I’m proud to be a regular contributor to Alice Lee’s awesome essay site Yearbook Office where I write about things like social justice and U2. I also wrote 30,000 words of a novel that I’ll eventually finish and I wrote three drafts of a sit com spec script that I’m currently shopping around. I also wrote this thing about Aquaman and got a thumbs up on twitter from the current writing team on the actual Aquaman comic book. Several of my (already written, thank god) plays were produced this year including Adventures in Mating, An Inconvenient Squirrel, and Stitch, Bitch N Die with more productions to come next year.

13) I started a show in LA called HOT COMEDY DREAM TIME. The concept of the show is that I get guest comedians and actors and they perform something they’ve always wanted to perform. In the show’s three month trial run, we created new sketches and bits with Hal Lublin, John Ross Bowie, Wil Wheaton, Dana Snyder, Mike Phirman, Greg Benson, Kim Evey, and Audrey Kearns. The show will be back in 2015! Details soon right here on the website.

14) I AM STILL ALIVE. Well, that took a sudden and dark turn. 2014 has, in many ways, been a rough year. There’s been a lot of brutal and pointless violence in the world. A lot of sad deaths in the world of comedy. Two friends from the comedy scene in Minnesota passed away suddenly in the last months of the year. Sometimes it feels like it would be easy to succumb to despair given how difficult and unfair life can be. But in doing something like writing this year in review, I look back on all the amazing, kind, funny, brave, gracious people I know–people I work with creatively, people I know in real life, people I only know on social media, people I see in audiences at shows who have done this insane incredible thing called leaving their house–and I feel very refreshed and inspired.

Thanks to everyone who has helped justify my optimism this year.

15) I ADDED ANOTHER ONE BECAUSE CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME. I also watched a lot of Netflix with my wonderful wife, Sara. We like Arrow a lot. Thanks, universe.

If you enjoy my work, you can check out all the comedy words and things I’m making via Patreon.

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ROXETTE: Obsessed Ep 67

Author and charming human Amy Spalding shares her love of Swedish pop duo Roxette. Listen like a man! Listen like a hammer! (That is a joke about Roxette lyrics, I am not insane.) PLUS: I share the top 10 searches that lead people to my website in 2014! Also: I said in the podcast that my managers at Kinko’s were dicks. Only one of them was a dick. I apologize to my other Kinko’s managers who were awesome.

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones!

Listen, rate, review, and subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.

If you enjoy the podcast you can help make it happen by supporting me on Patreon.

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GEEK CODE

TheGeekCode

One of the rewards of backing me on Patreon is suggesting a topic for a blog post. The backer who suggested this post wished to remain anonymous.

Anonymous said, “I sometimes feel like a politician the way I wordsmith my partner’s interests and actions when talking to co-workers or family. So my suggestion is a how-to guide for introducing your geeky significant other to your non-geeky friends and family.”

Personally, I think we should all fly our geek flag with pride, but it’s not always easy to do.

So as you jump in your stolen Type 40 TARDIS or illegally modified YT-1300 Corellian Freighter to travel home for the holidays, here are several fun euphemisms for geek pursuits you can use with your family of noobs!

Collecting Star Wars Action Figures = Investing in Plastics

Playing Dungeons & Dragons = Taste Testing New Mountain Dew Flavors

Working at a Ren Fest = Camping with Benefits

Putting Magic Cards in Plastic Sleeves = Canning the Preserves

Playing Legend of Zelda = What if Candy Crush had a story?

Painting Miniatures = Mid-Life Crisis

Buying Comic Books = Participating in a focus group for the movie industry

Editing Wikipedia Articles about Star Trek Novels = Screaming at the Abyss

Shipping Hermione and Harry = Being aware that Tumblr exists

Masturbating to a Picture of Benedict Cumberbatch = Pilates

Okay. Reviewing the above, it’s clear some of my euphemisms are potentially more confusing/disturbing than the truth.

Here’s another tactic. Just get mad and yell at people. Personally, my patience for the non-geeky reacting with confusion and derision to geek stuff has been greatly eroded since, you know, geek stuff is now a massive part of our culture and economy. Here are some cathartic answers. They work best if you have an obnoxious relative named Steve who is also a dentist.

Who is Captain Marvel?

SHE’S A SUPERHERO WHOSE MOVIE IS GOING TO MAKE MORE MONEY ON OPENING WEEKEND THEN YOU WILL EVER MAKE AS A DENTIST, STEVE.

What’s a Doctor Who?

IT’S A BRITISH SHOW THAT HAS BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN YOU’VE BEEN ALIVE, STEVE. AND NO, JUST BECAUSE IT’S BRITISH DOESN’T MEAN THE ACTORS HAVE BAD TEETH. THAT JOKE IS STUPID AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, STEVE.

What’s a furry?

THEY’RE PEOPLE WHO ENJOY DRESSING UP LIKE ANIMALS, STEVE. YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT SINCE YOU’VE BEEN COSPLAYING A HORSE’S ASS ALL NIGHT.

Okay, but what’s cosplay?

DON’T YOU WATCH CRIME PROCEDURALS? THEY’VE ALL DONE A COSPLAY EPISODE. IT’S LIKE THAT, BUT NOT STUPID LIKE THOSE SHOWS MAKE IT SEEM. IT’S AWESOME, STEVE. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE DRESSED UP AS HELLO KITTY DARTH VADER? CAN YOUR PUNY MIND EVEN FATHOM THAT, STEVE?

What’s a Skyrim, though? Is that–

DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOOGLE IS, STEVE? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS? DO YOU WANT TO BE EVEN REMOTELY CULTURAL RELEVANT? OR DO YOU JUST WANT TO BE A TWITTER EGG PROFILE PIC OF A HUMAN BEING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, STEVE?

Anyway, that’s not an actual suggestion, more of a fantasy. An angry, cathartic fantasy that was SUPER FUN to type.

Ultimately, I think the best you can do is be wise, calm, and patient like Obi-Wan Kenobi. If your loved ones are curious about your geeky pursuits, just tell them the truth.

Even if that truth is from a certain point of view.

There’s nothing in the geek realm that isn’t as simple as this: It’s a hobby, a game, a television show, a book, a club, or, you know, A DRIVING FORCE OF OUR ECONOMY AND CULTURE.

Because when you get down to it, there is no difference between Pokemon and Fantasy Football.

Okay, Pikachu hasn’t been arrested anywhere near as much as NFL players, but there’s no reason to rub that in at the dinner table.

Happy holidays and Han Shot First.

Your geek pal,
Joseph

If you enjoy my comedy works, you can help make them possible by becoming a patron! Also, if you’re still looking for holiday gifts for the geek in your life, here are some geeky comedy things.

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GARDENING: Obsessed Ep 66

Actor (The Commish, Boston Public, See No Evil 2) and jalapeno aficionado Kaj-Erik Eriksen has strong feelings about gardening. Thrill to tales of the little jalapeno plant that could, the mega-pumpkin, and something called dino-kale. (Spelling?) WARNING: There is much talk of grubs being assholes. Be warned, grub fans.

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones!

Listen, rate, review, and subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.

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Joseph Scrimshaw Gift Guide

Do you like comedy? Do you like buying gifts in Special December Times? Did you come to this page on purpose? Are you answering these questions out loud to your computer? THEN YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!

Here’s a quick guide to my comedy wares this Holiday Season!
Starting with A BRAND NEW COMEDY EP!

A VERY HOLIDAY THING!

AVeryHolidayThingD2

AVAILABLE FOR $5 ON BANDCAMP.

A holiday themed comedy EP! Thrill to six holiday comedy stories by me with music by the awesome Marc Doty. Stories include favorites from my blog like Batman on Jingle Bells, Adult Santa, and It’s Over, Snow.

The full album will be available in November of 2015 but you can pre-order it now and get the sample track, James Bond Prepares a Turkey.

Also this album was made possible by kind patrons on Patreon! Thanks!

COFFEE LIES!

IMG_4030 (2)

AVAILABLE AS A MUG, T-SHIRT, PRINT, ETC ON SOCIETY 6.

I made the above joke on twitter and my talented friend Lar de Souza illustrated it and now you can put it on your body and stuff!

FLAW FEST

FlawFestBandcamp

AVAILABLE FOR $10 ON BANDCAMP.

ALSO AVAILABLE AS A DRINK COASTER THAT TELLS JOKES IF YOU HIT IT WITH A LASER.

Flaw Fest is a double album of comedy and music. The comedy album is stand-up about all of my flaws as a human being. Fun! The music album is original songs inspired by the comedy album. Features songs by Paul & Storm, Molly Lewis, Bill Corbett, The Sevateem, John Roderick, John Munson, The Doubleclicks, Kevin Murphy, Mike Phirman, The Dregs, and even me.

“I am glad that Joseph Scrimshaw has the power of thought and audible speech, or else this very funny album would not exist.” – John Hodgman

COMEDY OF DOOM!

Comedy of Doom: The Book

AVAILABLE AS AN AUDIOBOOK, AN EBOOK, and AN ACTUAL PHYSICAL BOOK.

Comedy of Doom is a collection of essays, jokes, and stories about the wide world of geek including but not limited to Star Wars, Doctor Who, Jane Austen, and the sport I invented, Competitive Hugging. Includes an introduction by Bill Corbett of RiffTrax.

SQUIRREL LOGO!

ScrimshawTshirt

AVAILABLE AS A T-SHIRT, MUG, AND MORE.

This squirrel-centric Scrimshaw Comedy Crest was designed by Natalie Metzger and modeled above by Angela Webber of The Doubleclicks! It was also created as part of my Patreon project. Speaking of…

PATREON!

PatreonThankYou

SUPPORT MY COMEDY ART HERE FOR AS LITTLE AS $1 A MONTH.

Patreon is a crowdfunding site creating ongoing patronage for indie artists. Patrons pledge one monthly payment which allows me to create a minimum of one comedy blog post and two episodes of my podcast Obsessed per month.

NO MONEY HELPING!

LOLScrimshawMath

I understand money is tight for a lot of us because [REDACTED SOCIO-ECONOMIC OPINIONS.]

If you’ve read this far, I assume you are a kind person who likes my comedy and would like to help me out. Here are three things you can do that cost no money and only a few seconds of time!

Subscribe to my comedy channel on YouTube.
Rate, review, or subscribe to my podcast Obsessed on iTunes.
Join my email list on Fan Bridge.

Thank you very much for reading and Happy Special December Times.

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