Tag Archives: Squirrels

Harry Potter, Tequila, and Comedy


Last February, I joined Patreon. Patreon is a funny sounding word. It sounds like the spell Harry Potter would use to summon tequila.

I like the idea of magically summoning liquor, but I like the reality of Patreon even more.

If you’re not familiar with it, Patreon is a crowdfunding site that fully embraces the idea of artists surviving on their art. Patrons pledge a specified dollar amount (anywhere from $1 to a gajillion, but $1 is great) per thing the artist creates. I’ve been writing comedy blog posts. I’ve been writing two a month so if you pledge $1 per post, $2 quietly slips out of your bank account every month. Accio Living Funds!

I love Kickstarter. It’s made it possible for me to publish a book and a comedy album, but Kickstarter’s project based model makes it difficult to get to that next step. Patreon is old school patronage that directly helps artist pay for food, rent, and sometimes even tequila for your revisionist Harry Potter parody film.

Patreon and the kind support of my patrons have been a huge help to me as I made the transition from Minneapolis to Los Angeles–both financially and artistically.

I decided to produce comedy blogs on Patreon to encourage myself to do more writing. I’ve been using a lot of the blogs as starting points for my live comedy shows. And I’ve been making money while doing it. One stone. SO MANY DEAD BIRDS. Sorry, metaphorical birds.

Patrons also get rewards like custom poems, suggesting blog topics, and even pint glasses with my coat of arms designed by the very talented Natalie Metzger.


The downside is that since Patreon is ongoing, you don’t have the last minute rush of a campaign ending like you do with Kickstarter. Instead you can set up goals. I’ve unlocked a few. This month, I’m going to write a two part story and readers will get to vote on the conclusion. I’m going to perform some stand-up dressed as a squirrel and release it on YouTube. (Most likely I’ll be doing that at this show in Los Angeles.)

My next goal is to record a holiday comedy album. I’ve got a lot of holiday themed pieces I’d love to record with a live audience–Batman’s Jingle Bells issues, the Super Aggressive Holiday Letter, and new stuff. I’ve always wanted to do a holiday album, but I’m not a musician. Then I said out loud to myself, “Why should they have all the fun?”

We’re about $50 in pledges away from unlocking the holiday album. I have a lot of really generous patrons. I would love to find 50 more people to pledge $1 per blog post to get to the holiday album! All patrons will get a free download of the album. If you’re interested and want to help out, you can check out my Patreon here.

Every patron also gets an LOLScrimshaw. I’ve been having great fun with these so I’ll leave you with a few of my favorites. Thanks for reading and for all your support!













Thanks again! For full info, you can check out my Patreon page here!

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TJ HOOKER: Obsessed Ep 38

Screenwriter and very funny human Josh A. Cagan joins Joseph for a hard-hitting, car-crashing, William Shatnering discussion of ’80s cop show, T.J. Hooker. The podcast was recorded live outside Josh’s apartment in Hollywood for a great audience of chittering squirrels. Thrill to such phrases as “big swinging Kirk dick,” “Superman leukemia,” “night pizza,” “tragic majesty” and much more!

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones!

Listen, rate, review, and subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.

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Squirrels and streetcars! Two obsessions that go great together in this podcast! Recorded live at the sci-fi/fantasy convention CoreCon, Joseph drew two random guests and got a married couple! Therapist Sherry Merriam is obsessed, like Joseph, with squirrels and author Michael Merriam is obsessed with streetcars. Topics include squirrel underwear, Hitler’s listening skills, sex on Tuesday at 8:45, and the similarities between public transportation and the Fellowship of the Ring. There’s some fuzz on the mics from a fast set-up at a con. Such is the challenge of live podcasting! Enjoy!

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones!

Listen, rate, review, and subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.


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Trace Beaulieu, of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic fame, is obsessed with Frankenstein’s Monster. Barb Abney, DJ from The Current loves The Afghan Whigs. Random audience volunteer Noah has severe issues with bathroom door etiquette. As do we all.

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones!

Listen, rate, review, and subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.

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STAND BY ME: Obsessed Ep 1

The first episode features Joseph’s obsession with SQUIRRELS and guest Virginia Corbett’s obsession with the film STAND BY ME. Plus, eating noises.

AWOOGA! Obsessed is now a part of Feral Audio! Go to Feral now to listen to this episode and subscribe for new ones! 

Subscribe to OBSESSED on iTunes.

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The Very Best Of My Very Bad Halloween Costumes

A brief remembrance of my top five horrible Halloween costumes.


Age 7. My cape was an old white pillow case that had turned kind of yellow. It was tied tightly around my neck. My tunic was a red-tinted Super Grover Sesame Street t-shirt. My little green shorts were a pair of long green bell bottoms. I had no mask because my parents were concerned about my safety. Apparently, they wanted me to be able to clearly see what was happening when I choked to death from having a pillow case wrapped around my throat. Also, my older brother dressed as Robin’s crime fighting partner: Humphrey Bogart. I am not making this up.


Age 11. For horrible details, see this post.


Age 15. Some friends who lived in a not very cultured (okay, white trash) suburb of Minneapolis convinced me that we would get a “butt-load” of candy if we went Trick Or Treating as the members of Guns N’ Roses. I won the honor of being Axl because my natural physique was closest to that of a heroin addict. Our costumes were mostly jean jackets and fake mullets. We were indistinguishable from the majority of grown men who lived in this suburb. We did not receive a “butt-load” of candy. Perhaps, a “shoulder-load” worth, though. Most adults probably thought we had come to the door due to a paternity dispute involving their teenage daughter. No singing was involved.


Age 28. For three years, I was an assistant manager at Kinko’s. I happened to quit on Halloween. My girlfriend and I were going to a costume party that night. By now, I was an actor and didn’t like dressing up for Halloween. As I told her, “I feel weird looking like a plumber without doing plumber things. I don’t want to go to a party and put on a little plumber play.” As I tore into my closet full of theater costumes and props, I decided I should probably put my stupid blue Kinko’s apron in there in case I ever wanted to play a stupid Kinko’s guy on stage. Then I realized, I could play a stupid Kinko’s guy for Halloween. So I wore the stupid blue apron. I wore it ironically. And I spilled a decent amount of beer on it. Perhaps intentionally. Perhaps not. Intent and beer are often mortal enemies.


Age <redacted> I now worked at a museum giving tours and performing. I felt obligated to attend a co-worker’s costume party. Strangely, the stage costume I felt most comfortable in was my giant squirrel outfit. The giant squirrel outfit wasn’t easy to put on. There were belts and straps involved. I put it on in my apartment. I walked two blocks to my car, while smoking a cigarette. I stuffed myself and my huge tail into a Subaru. I then drove several miles, hunched over the tiny steering wheel. I imagine it looked like Frank Miller illustrating a Warner Brothers cartoon. I got to the party. There were witches, mummies, vampires, and plumbers. I was voted “most creative costume.” People kept offering me the bowl of mixed nuts. I only knocked two paintings off the wall with my tail. Overall, I felt it was going well. I spent the rest of the night drinking bloody punch (cherry vodka) and chatting about the future of non-profit organizations in Minnesota. Dressed as a fucking squirrel.

Happy halloween.

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