For the past several months I’ve been doing a series of daily tweets. First tacos, then monkeys, then daily affirmations, then daily etiquette tips, then incorrect quotes, and now fake TV shows. Enjoy!
You can also follow me on Twitter to enjoy September’s series of Daily Horoscope Tweets.
Day One – Whatever, Ghosts: Four attractive, lazy twentysomethings can see ghosts but don’t really care or do anything about it.
Day Two – Crime Sandwich: A cranky but brilliant manager of an Arby’s teams up with a hot FBI guy to solve fast food based murders.
Day Three – The Potfather: An old pot dealer tries to get out of the game, man, but people keep pulling him back in and shit.
Day Four – Daleks: In this Doctor Who spin-off, we see the Daleks on their home world, Skaro. All they do is post YouTube comments
Day Five – Let’s Make Noises About Movies: Two frustrated movie critics make exasperated noises about hot new blockbusters.
Day Six – Clown Hoarders: This is just like the show Hoarders, but all the hoarders are dressed like clowns.
Day Seven – Big Dumb Idiot Heads: A reality show in which we watch executives cancel good TV shows, then get mauled by a bear.
Day Eight – That’s So NSA: Two wacky government analysts read people’s funniest private messages with zany graphics and sound effects.
Day Nine – The Vampire Whatever: It’s a show with vampires. Maybe werewolves. A lot of sad, topless guys. Whatever. You’ll watch it.
Day Ten – Cop Doctors: A show about surgeons who operate solely on cops. Usually old ones who were about to retire.
Day Eleven – Game of Ponies: An animated show for the whole family. Full of sex, death, intrigue, ponies, and absolutely no swear words.
Day Twelve – The Void: A talk show with chatty hosts who just shut up and stare off into space for a while. Also, recipes and gossip.
Day Thirteen – Friend Makers: A reality show in which the only goal is to make friends. The spin-off show is called The Saddest Loser.
Day Fourteen – Literally Punk’d: A hidden camera show that is literally just people freaking out over the misuse of the word “literally.”
Day Fifteen – Cop & Furry: She’s a tough as nails cop. He enjoys dressing as a soft, fuzzy animal. This will only last two episodes.
Day Sixteen – The Vicar of Murder Village: A wise old vicar solves at least one murder a day in this quaint show about rural England.
Day Seventeen – America’s Top Frozen Pizza Chef: A reality show that asks the question, “Who is the best at something that takes no skill?”
Day Eighteen – Inside the Actor’s Dressing Room: James Lipton breaks into actors’ private spaces to ask stars about their favorite noises.
Day Nineteen – You Look Like Shit: A grim yet surreal HBO crime drama. The only dialogue said by any character is “You look like shit.”
Day Twenty – Donkey Friends: This is a remake of the hit sitcom Friends reshot entirely with donkeys as the main characters.
Day Twenty-One – Quiet Dignity: A nature show. David Attenborough narrates the sex lives of human couples who have been married a long time.
Day Twenty-Two – Man Men: A show based on a common typo for the show Mad Men. Mostly shots of dudes eating steaks while driving muscle cars.
Day Twenty-Three – Profilers: An original Netflix dramedy about a couple torn apart by signing into one another’s Netflix profiles.
Day Twenty-Four – The Bourne Diaries: Jason Bourne writes in his feelings journal, occasionally kills a guy with a handmade paper bookmark.
Day Twenty-Five – Ken Burns’ Documentary: Tender, moving photos of photos used in other documentaries. Narrators read historical narration.
Day Twenty-Six – SharkButt: An original SyFy drama about a lonely shark whose face looks like a butt. You’ll laugh until you die.
Day Twenty-Seven – Crystal High: A down on his luck meth dealer accepts a job as a high school chemistry teacher. Hilarity/violence ensues.
Day Twenty-Eight – Twerk Train: A dance show sort of like Soul Train, but not really.
Day Twenty-Nine – What’s Up, Warden? A sitcom about wacky antics at a high security federal prison. Uses a laugh track. Lots of shanking.
Day Thirty – Phone Lookers: A hip comedy about young, sexy roommates who never talk or have sex because they’re looking at their phones.
Day Thirty-One – The Ironic Hipster Comedy Hour: No one’s ever seen this. The air date’s not advertised, you just have to know when it’s on.
Your friend in Netflix watching,
Joseph
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